I can find comedy in nearly everything life has to throw at me. Most of which I probably shouldn’t. Yes that includes toddlers getting kicked and flipped through the air like Eddie Gordo from Tekken. Yes that also includes midgets scurrying about during a fight on national television. That most certainly includes babies falling off the end of a couch while the parents film. And of course that includes PTA moms punching other PTA moms in the teeth. None of this though, could compare to what I witnessed Friday night.
I went to a college party with my boy. It’s no secret that I’m not too fond of clubs and/or parties, but I DETEST college parties. I’ve never liked them, but something about them now, as a person in their (barely) upper 20s, makes me feel like that 45 year old “frat boy” that still goes to college events trying to pick up girls to go back to his parents basement and watch his extensive collection of erotica based sci-fi “films”. It’s also a well documented fact that I don’t smoke or drink. Needless to say, since I’m not the smoking, drinking, party going, club hopping type, and since the DJs at said parties endlessly spin Africanized nursery rhymes (see: Dr Seuss books to a drum beat), I have to find other things within the club/party to entertain myself. Generally, laughing at drunks will suffice, but Friday was different. Most of the crowd was under drinking age, so the drunkenness based humor was going to be limited.
As I wandered about the lounge I noticed a guy dancing really hard, so much so, he had developed a hearty sweat. I’m not talking some slight perspiration, I’m talking 4th quarter of the championship game sweat. He wore square framed Malcolm X glasses, a button up with the sleeves folded to his elbows, a Windsor knotted tie, and a watch. While none of this is out of the ordinary, they are all integral details for later in the story. As he arched his back and rolled his hips, “Dougie-ing” the night away, I noticed another detail about his appearance that struck me as odd. Initially I thought the dim lights were playing tricks on me, and since Electric Boogaloo wouldn’t keep still, I couldn’t be sure. But alas he finally was still and what I thought I saw had been confirmed. Electric Boogaloo didn’t have any hands. Both arms ended at the wrist. Now back to the integral details.
“He wore square framed “Malcolm X” glasses”. Not really an issue here. Putting glasses on with no hands is difficult but not impossible.
“a button up with sleeves folded to his elbows”. This confused me a bit, but I suppose if someone were to “give him a hand” this wouldn’t be unheard of.
“a Windsor knotted tie”. Again, a “handy” person could tie his tie.
“and a watch”….. a watch… no hands…. dancing… HARD…. Only one question bounced around in my head for the rest of the night. “How, exactly is that staying on?” As a matter of fact I’m still baffled. Maybe it was one of those slap bracelet watches, but how would he slap it on? I saw the dude later in the evening with his tie loosened and shirt unbuttoned, and thought to myself either this guy has quite a bit of help or he’s real “handy” with his wrists.
PEACE
ONE GOD ONE LOVE
J
